Friday, August 05, 2005


Never Mind The Ball-Locks

It could have been worse...they could have re-enacted that commercial where they try to shoot through it at close range.

I'm sorry...with that last sentence I just gave myself psychosomatic searing pain.

BRENTWOOD, N.H. -- Emergency workers helped a New Hampshire man out of a difficult situation over the weekend after a friend apparently locked a padlock around his testicles.

According to the Portsmouth Herald, police reported that the 39-year-old man was intoxicated when they arrived at the scene on July 30 at about 3:40 a.m. The man, who was not identified, told them that he had the padlock around his testicles for two weeks.

The man said that a friend put the lock on while he was drunk and passed out. When he woke up, the friend was gone.

"Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Cpl. H.D. Wood told the Herald.

The man told police that he tried to remove the lock with a hacksaw because the key had broken off in the lock.

He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith removed the padlock. He was treated and released, and the hospital said he had no lasting injury.

Police said that they did not know the motive for the incident.

Sunday, July 31, 2005


Hello Out There...We're On The Air...It's Hockey Night Tonight

I'm semi-drunk right now, so if this seems statelogical, that's because it is.

There really hasn't been anything new to report in about a month, but tonight was just excessively weird.

I was invited by friend to this 10th anniversary party that took place at New Karaoke Place (that replaces Karaoke Pool Hall Fun Center from two years ago) and first of all, the theme was goth party, which means everyone dresses in black. The friend of mine that I brought along with me decided she'd go all Betty Page, although fell several feet short of the mark, but I wasn't going to tell her that. As it was I took her home early and then went back since she had about 3 papers to finish this weekend to get ready to graduate w/a Bachelor's next week. But I knew this already, since it's all she's been talking about, and also she practically begged me to drive her to Wal-Mart on Wednesday in order to buy a TV/VCR so she could finish her film class term paper. My place wasn't really suitable and besides, I've kinda been stiff-arming her a little bit since a) she has a boyfriend and b) I'm kinda looking a few hours south right now but I really don't want to say any more at the moment.

So she stays about an hour and a half and I have to come back saying things like "she had a paper" and "she wasn't really a date that just ditched me". So about an hour and a half later...

[PRELUDE: About 20 months ago I had this conversation with this couple outside a club in Tally, exchanged numbers, I called a few days later, they never called back and never gave it another thought]

"Do you remember me?"

And she's a nice girl and all that, but she's one of those people that they're the center of their own universe and expects the world to follow them around. So I talked to them for a while, exchanged numbers yet again as I wait to be actually put into the posse. Which isn't always a good fit for me, since I was always a better indipendant contracter than a gang member. But whatever. And plus...I don't know, does someone's aura change to girls when a) they see you with someone else and b) your eye is firmly cast elsewhere? Because I kept getting hit on by people who have shown no prior history of hitting on me. And of course, they're never there at the right time, either. Could it be that the beard is gone? It prolly is. But then again The Beard (aka Crazy Amish Beard) was kinda becoming my whole existance.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005


A Random Eclectic Mess

NP: Artful Dodger, "Wayside"

This is going to be a little rambly:

Usually when there's a staff meeting at work, there's about a 2-3 day heads-up about it. Today the heads-up was all of 30 minutes. So of course at that point my Bombshell Sense was tingling. Fortunately, since I was there (half the day) on Friday and plus had some know-with-all on something else, there was no real bombshell, at least not to me. It actually turned out to be the shortest staff meeting (17 minutes, which is off from their usual 75 minute average) I can remember in 2+ years. Damn, have I been in the same place for 2 years?

But here's the fun part. I'm oficially under a gag order due to what certain people THINK I may know, but in reality I don't know anything.

So it was pretty uneventful day at work and then I get home and see a note on my door, which gives me all of 10 days to figure out my living arrangements. Which means I have until June 10 to figure out if I'm staying in my apartment (probably not) or start the trouble of finding another place by August 1st. At least this time around money isn't going to be an issue and I can afford a slightly better place. And there's no reason I shouldn't get the deposit back. But you know, there's that whole displacement thing to deal with. The thought had occurred to me that moving day was soon, but I didn't realize how soon.

On a happier note, tip-off for Game 4 is in an hour. Hopefully the Pistons are sufficiently distracted by the whole Larry Brown mishmash to remember to guard Wade and Shaq. And yes, at this point it IS Wade and Shaq and not the other way around.

Sunday, May 08, 2005


Light at the end

Ever have that thing when you're sick that this is how it's going to be forever and you just have to adapt to it? That's how I felt last week. I had a doozy of a viral infection, but of course I didn't have the lack of stubbornness to stay in bed for the two weeks I was sick. So I plodded through it, mostly because I have a non-physical-type job and thought I'd be OK.

All the while wondering if I would ever get any better. It's like that whenever you get sick. You forget what you ever felt like at 100%. It's kinda like how the human body registers pain at the time but doesn't actually remember it when healed.

But fortunately, I did. Which is fortunate, because it's not fun to try not to laugh when you know it's going to cause a coughing fit.

Sunday, May 01, 2005


5 AM on a GD Sunday

Well, this is rare...I think this is the earliest I've been awake on my own volition that didn't involve needing to catch a flight out of the country. It's a big drop-off considering the furthest I've gone today is the kitchen.

It's mostly because I made the fatal "let me just rest my eyes for 5 seconds" mistake sometime around 8:45 pm on a Saturday evening. I'm trying to fight off the last remnants of a cold so going out wasn't in my plans anyway. Or perhaps it's a better review of the movie "Warm Springs" than I can ever do by writing about (and which, incidentally, came back on about 30 minutes ago so I'm re-watching it as I'm writing this).

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


And That Little Bastard (of Self-Pity) Shot Me In The Ass!

I think I've figured out why I haven't really been using this thing much: it's that I may not be as willing to share my life in diary form as I was at one point. It was so much easier in 2003 when my life was all routines and nothing much happened away from that. 2004, around the time I stopped the first time around started becoming a weird roundabout period for me.

And it never really stopped spinning, that's the problem. I think when things stabilize a little bit, that's when normalcy will come back around in this. This has kinda been my 12 months where I've had my wild oats period (albeit at 29/30 it was later than most) and I need to put a kibosh on it for the sake of my own sanity. Fast.

Of course, there is also the very real possibility that I'm just stressed out from work, responsibilities, my roller coaster of a personal life, the stupid little adventures I always seem to find myself in, even though I might be passed the point of having them. It's adulthood, right? Although I can't help but feel right now that everyone else has it a little easier than me, even if that's not accurate.

And I hate that I just wrote that, because most of the time I try to be as non-melodramatic as possible. I mean, that's a game my family would play, and just last week I took the liberty of finally pointing that out. Well shit, it only took 30 years for me to say it.

I don't know...ever get the feeling that they were right about you all along and you only accept it when it's too late?

Wednesday, April 06, 2005


The Ron Mexico Experience

First off, to anyone in the aPa Fantasy Football League who may be reading this, I'm calling dibs on the name "The Ron Mexicans" right NOW

from The Smoking Gun:

Michael Vick Hit With Sex Suit

Woman claims star NFL quarterback passed along herpes in 2003 APRIL 5--Claiming that Michael Vick gave her herpes, a Georgia woman is suing the star NFL quarterback for negligence and battery. According to the below lawsuit, Sonya Elliot, a 26-year-old health care worker, was infected with the sexually transmitted disease in April 2003 after an unprotected encounter with Vick at the athlete's Duluth, Georgia home. Elliott alleges that after testing positive for Herpes Simplex 2, she confronted the Atlanta Falcons star, 24, about her condition. "I've got something to tell you. I've got it," Vick admitted to her, according to Elliott's State Court complaint, which alleges that Vick then told her that "he had not known how to tell her about his condition, and that it was not something that he liked to talk about." Elliott's complaint also contends that Vick "apologized profusely" for not telling her he was infected with the STD. Elliot's lawsuit alleges that Vick has used the name "Ron Mexico" and, in a related court filing, her lawyers are seeking Vick's admission that he used the "Mexico" alias--and perhaps other fake names--"for the purpose of herpes testing and/or treatment." In her lawsuit, which does not specify monetary damages, Elliott states that she met Vick at a Virginia Beach nightclub in May 2001 and, shortly thereafter, began a close personal relationship with the football star (though the couple did not have sex until late-2002). Last December, Vick, the top overall pick in the 2001 National Football League draft, signed a ten-year, $130 million contract with the Falcons, the richest deal in league history.

Sunday, March 27, 2005


And I mean it this time

I just got my new computer a week and change ago, so it was probably inevitable I hit the blog running again. But now that I'm not beholden to my work-approved sites, I'm now free to be here. This is a good thing. hich means I'll update this puppy more often than between eternities. Hence the roman numeral on my title. This is my third attempt to keep my blog straight, and I prefer starting with a clean slate. Although my old site got nuked for inactivity anyway.

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